In the Words of a Champion
by RABlack0
Summary: This is a journal kept by a rogue/FHawke. Rated M for later chapters FHawke/Fenris later. A journal from Hawkes perspective of her many quests, companions and "desires'
1. Chapter 1

_**9:30 Dragon **_ Ostagar

I am dedicating this journal entry to my sister Bethany, mother Leandra and brother Carver; if by small chance I don't survive Ostagar I want you all to know how much I love you. Starting with Bethany My lovely little sister you have been more than a sister you have been my best friend and I'm sorry I can't protect you further from the Templars. Mother I want you to know that I look up to you and the way you managed the house these passed four years since father had died is incredible. Ah now Carver I'm sorry for achieving and always being greater than you, then again if your reading this I guess you finally beat me at something, in all seriousness dear brother I love you and I am proud of you.  
>Enough of that, its a shame that I finally get a moment to write in this blasted thing and there's a chance I might die tomorrow the only reason I'm awake is the terrible nightmare, it has been recurring for the last month but this was the worst one of them all instead of my oh so tragic death it was the death of Cailan and Carver, then there was Bethany casting on the battlefield and a hurlock...I don't wish to think of it anymore. The sun has finally come up each second waiting for battle is further building my anticipation.<p>

**_Late noon_**

Carver and I are finally done with practice and briefings all the soldiers are being urged to rest up "for tonight we march" were Loghains words, he seems so unsure whereas Cailan has not a drop of doubt in his eyes, perhaps that is what it takes to be king, not letting soldiers know when you fear for the outcome of battle, not letting nobles know when they insult and belittle you, and not letting the queen know if you have something on the side... I joke I have no reason to believe that Cailan is having an affair, but if he was I would be quick to volunteer. I don't mind his majesty at all very easy on the eyes, almost like that blond warden come to think of they sort of look alike. I have been giving that warden looks all week and he has yet to pursue my advances maybe it's this armor It does make me look a bit square shaped? Most men get the point when I work my magic but perhaps\ with a more straight forward approach after our victory he'll catch my drift.  
>My goodness am I rambling! If my mother reads this she will have Bethany convert to blood magic to bring me from the dead so she can kill me herself, this apprehension is making me knot in my stomach feels as though I had swallowed river stones, perhaps the thought of destroying an entire blight of darkspawn in one epic battle with the king at our sides seems a bit too romantic, my heart is telling me this day will be remembered but only as a tragedy. I have rarely set foot in the Chantry but today I will pray to the maker that he will protect Carver during this battle. Carmac seems good to go although his allergies are making him itch, poor pup.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

9:30 Dragon

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><p>Carver is dead, Lothering is gone we have nothing.<p>

_ (Scrawled messily accross an entire page)_

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><p>I dare not put my troubles onto mother or Bethany they had both seen enough, mother has been crying for the last 4 days, 4 days we have been on this small ship crammed in with desperate Fereldans such as ourselves its disgusting we barely have room to lay down and they insist on keeping us in the hold. I just wish I was home, I cannot believe this is truley happening to my family, whats left of it at least. We are currently on our way to Kirkwall, we are nobility there I wish we could stay in Fereldan if not Lothering somewhere else perhaps Redcliffe, I heard nice things. Too little too late we are out to sea hopefully halfway there by now.<p>

Ostagar was a massacre something terrible must have happened to Loghains men; they never came for us. Everyone had been murdered yet somehow Carver and I managed to make it back to Lothering fighting side by side depending on each other. Mother and Bethany were still at the house terrified as the town was saturated with darkspawn and the blood of our friends, suitors, neighbors, and livestock. We headed south where we met Aveline and her husband who later died from the Blight corruption Aveline had to put her sword to him, it was heartbreaking. I honor her strength and am slightly envious of it. An ogre attacked us and we narrowly survived all of us except for Carver. Writing those words make me physically ill my little brother is dead. Mother said it was my fault I know it was I know, but her saying it still sends ice through my blood. I keep picturing him as a little boy still bigger than me we were only a year apart and I think that is what made it so hard between us, Mother and Father were always praising me for my smarts, beauty, and stealth abilities and I suppose he had always felt left out.

It was a witch who had rescued us by a second horde of darkspawn the "Witch of the Wilds" I had heard many stories about them, although I never believed them until I saw for myself she had turned from a Dragon into an old woman it was incomprehensible the sight, my jaw hit the ground. She escorted us to take ship the only thing she asked was to bring an amulet to some Dalish elves. It's suspicious but I will concern myself as soon as I get to our estate and take a well deserved bath.


	3. Chapter 3

**9:30 Dragon Kirkwall**

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><p>Let me start by saying how incredibly massive this city is, my mind is blown, but it's not just the city that is doing this to me, our estate; Gone, our fortune: non-existant, our uncle; despicable and now our freedom; sold. Bethany and I have to offer a full year to a smuggler elf named Athenril Bethany and I must assist this elf with smuggling illegal things such as lyrium as well as fighting off the cometetion. Reasoning a thing I wish these marchers understood; does not seem to exist in Kirkwall they would rather send us back to Fereldan and back into the hands of the Blight rather than allow us to enter, Athenril will pay for our citizenship but not until our job is done, I cannot wait until that time comes. This is going to be a very very long year.<p>

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><p><strong><span>One year Later...<span>**

Finally out of Athenrils grasp Bethany and I decided to find some real work, tension at home is not helping, Mother and Gamlen seem to bicker quite often its aggitating. The hovel is smaall so there is no room for privacy which may be why they're driving each other mad, or the sheer fact that Gamlen is a cheapskate and does not care about anything but himself as a matter of fact he finally confessed that our family estate was given to slavers because he couldn't pay a debt, imagine that? Gamlen seemed very defensive about the will which made Bethany and I suspicious, you know something is awry when Bethany suspects foul play. It's family moments like these I wish Carver were here, he'd get the truth out of Gamlen one way or another. One of these nights we plan to break into the Amell estate and take a look at this will. We'll find out the truth, if it costs us a few slavers I certainly won't lose sleep. Aveline is doing very well for herself she is in the guard now, I bet she's fantastic.

How things can begin terribly and turn out amazing is far beyond me, Bethany and I had heard some rumors, rumors of a expedition heading into the deep roads, as much as I object to small confined spaces and dwarves in general the opportunity seemed like once in a lifetime. Little did we know this dwarf was hothead (who would have guessed right?) but he shut us down immediately I'm pretty sure he called Bethany precious which made me laugh much harder than I should have, regardless we were shut down and as we were leaving this ginger boy stole my purse! A beardless dwarf shot him with an arrow which only nicked his shirt it was amazing he retrieved my purse and soon after socked the ginger boy square in the jaw. This beardless dwarf introduced himself as Varric Tethras any man willing to risk killing a man to return coin to me was perfect in my book. Varric has a ridiculous plan for me to partner with himself and Bartrand (whom I later found out was his brother.). Fifty sovereigns is how much I will have to come up but he says he has plenty of resources for such coin, I trust him if not to get us onto the expedition than to at least meet his resources.

The Hanged Man; a break for the desperate and a relief for the lonely, with the exception of Gamlens hovel it is the ugliest building I have ever been in and yet oddly comforting in a dirty sort of way. Varric resides here, how he manages to sleep in such a loud dirty place is beyond my grasp. I like him though, he's very funny our personalities are quite similar I think I will enjoy his company on this trip but things did get a bit more complicated now we need a map into the deep roads and there's a Grey Warden who may have a way. Varric had it on good authority that a woman named Lirene had information on him, she was running a Fereldan import shop, it was heart-wrenching how my countrymen were living it brought back memories of Carver and I fighting our way through Lothering and find our friends dead. Lirene gave us information of this apostate Grey Warden healer, tomorrow we are going to search for him but as for right now it's time to rest.


	4. Chapter 4

**9:30 Dragon Lowtown**

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><p>I wish I could say that tonight went well, Varric, Aveline, Bethany and I found the Warden, Anders, and I must say I was taken aback at how handsome I found him, his eyes were so sad and his body so reserved it almost begged to be touched, perhaps it has been too long since I had the company of an attractive man that a get quite giddy at the first one who gives me attention. Anders is not your typical apostate, Grey Warden deserting, healer oh no that would be to simple now wouldnt it? Anders is an abomination of sorthe is possessed by a spirit of Justice which is different from a demon but not by much. Anders agreed to give us his maps but not without a favor (because you cannot receive something without nothing in this city) we were to meet a fellow mage friend of his in the Chantry to help him flee the Gallows; all well and good. We get to the Chantry with little trouble. Inside however is where we hit a slight tiff the whole thing was a set up to lure Anders there his friend had been made Tranquil. We were attacked by the Templars and had to fight them off and Anders turned out killing Karl it was very disturbing. I would never allow anything like that to happen to Bethany as long as I breath she will never be tranquil.<p>

Its impossible to sleep in this hovel between the skittering feet of rats across the moldy floor and drunken elves making their way back to the alienage from The Hanged Man there is no peace and quiet around here. The witches amulet still needs to be delivered but there is so much to do before then. Tomorrow Bethany, Aveline, Varric and I are searching for grandfathers will, then Athenril wants to speak to me which should be interest, and theres a dwarf named Anso that needs a few things done for him but the coin will be worth it in the end when I'm hauling treasure out of the deep roads.

I wonder if Anders has a girlfriend...


	5. Chapter 5

**9-30 Dragon Daydreaming**

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><p>Plenty of interesting things happened this evening, The will was found our grandparents had left everything to Mother the estate and the money and Gamlen was left but a small allowance to be dictated by mother. I cannot but feel bad for him but that doesn't last very long. Athenril had a pointless jobt for me to do, I suppose coin is coin no matter where it's coming from but it's for tomorrow evening, I must protect a group of men so she can smuggle more illegal things to people who shouldn't have them.<p>

My heart is racing thinking about the evening quest, I wish I could thank that stupid dwarf for tricking me, he did a fare job at it too. Anso asked us to retrieve some sort of illegal cargo stolen by smugglers seems simple enough. We end up killing everyone inside the building just to find an empty chest, smugglers aren't too good at reasoning so we did what we had to. The empty chest was very confusing, and even more enraging because it seemed nothing more than a trick when we had much more important things to do. I swore I destroyed the hovel more so than need after my hot-headed explosion and a lecture from Bethany claiming Carver and I should have been twins because of our dragon temper we left only to have a dozen arrows pointed directly at us they had barely said anything before attacking. They were clearly slavers which made it feel much better cutting through them although they were quite numerous. After the battle we all felt more confused now than before as to whom set us up when a slaver came trudging down the stairs of the alienage calling his men into the clearing, a second man came around the corner but this one fell to the ground in a pile of blood. I pulled out my blades quickly between all the confusion and seemingly causeless blood-shed I was on the verge of exploding when slender elf gracefully glided down the stairs. I had never felt such a raw attraction to someone in my life, perhaps it was the tattoos or those fantastic lips or those enchanting eyes. I was too concerned with how large his was to realize he had reached his hand through the slavers armor and into his chest killing him instantly but that was quick to pull me out of my apologized and introduced himself as Fenris he confessed he was slave that was being hunted by his former master who was still in the city, of course being the good citizen I am I agreed to help him all the while choking on my words and over-thinking everything I say. Why must he look at me with those eyes.

It had turned out his master had fled by the time we cleared his mansion, Fenris was very put off by Bethany being a mage but he agreed to help me with my expedition and gaining the money. I openly called him handsome, twice! I don't know what I was thinking but I certainly don't regret it, those lips are too tempting to not wish for a taste and those eyes hold so much passion, Bethany thinks I'm insane for enjoying his appearance, perhaps she is just sore from his distrust of her but he'll come around.


End file.
